Difference between Love and Lust!
Distinguishing between the two isn't easy, since both lust and love come with ~intense~ feelings. But there is one key difference, says clinical psychologist and professor at Pepperdine University: "Love is an emotion or experience of feeling connected or bonded with distinct another person. This connection includes emotional closeness, or intimacy." And that's not just sex, but all kinds of intimacy, like having a vulnerable conversation or opening up to your partner about your future goals. Lust, on the other hand, doesn't come with that sort of attachment.
It's important to know which one you're dealing in order to avoid disappointment in the future. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then you'll probably want to steer clear of anything rooted in lust, since those flings tend to be temporary or for a limited time period. But if you're set on living your best single life, then you probably want to recognize signs that things are taking a turn for the serious.
In my experience and having attended so many marriages and look at relationships of people very closely and in fact being in a relationship I could see a clear difference in between love and lust.
From a distant point of view, things seems to be similar but it happens to be different as it could only be realized until we experience the other thing. Then how do you define which one is what you're experiencing? People often mislead love to lust and lust to love. As stated earlier both are exactly the same in terms of experience but only with time and experiencing the other side we tend to understand what it is.
Let's start by defining the basic definitions of each feelings i.e. Lust and Love.
What is Lust?
If we Google what's lust, it defines by saying "strong sexual desire." Lust is a feeling that's driven mostly by physical desire.
It can feel very passionate, but its outside of attraction, a relationship fueled by lust has very little substance. People in lust often looking to satisfy their own needs(physical/sexual needs).
"Lust is mostly accompanied by a thinking pattern highlighted by demands of self, i.e. individual" "It can often be accompanied with thoughts like 'I must be with you,' 'I need you' 'You must desire me, I am incomplete without you,' or 'You must not reject me.' etc and so on.
Though statements like these aren't usually true, someone in lust can adopt this pattern of anxious thinking. In love, however, you desire the other person, but you don't need to be around them 24/7. When you feel love, you want to be bonded with your partner and spend time with them, but you are also able to embrace for not being with them all the time.
Lust is rooted in the physical and in the moment. When you're in lust, you are not necessarily thinking about the future. So aside from sex, you're not engaging in things partners in a loving relationship might, like deep conversations or meeting each other's loved ones etc or discussing things which are of utmost importance to others.
What's Love?
When google for Love it says "an intense feeling of deep affection."
It's always hard to define what's love, for everyone there's different meaning of love but the basic essence if of how you bond with the other person. But what makes it different from lust is that you do not feel as if you 'need' to be with this person. "You are able to truly maintain yourself separate from them, trust, loyalty, sacrifice, compromise and other things play a huge role in it" Unlike lust, love isn't possessive. When you love someone, you're also considerate of your partner's interests and needs, while lust is more about focusing on your own/self desires.
When you are in love with someone, you not only accept that your partner has the right to be an individual or lead an individual life and at the same time you don't tend to be jealous with your partner's work relationships, family, and friendships, something that is more common in relationships fueled by lust.
Taking rescheduling a trip/date, for example. When you're in love, you may be more understanding when your partner has to postpone because things picked up at work or some unexpected tasks arise. If you're in lust, something like this may upset you since it isn't catering to your wants.
Love can also exist in the absence of arousal. While there may be an obvious physical attraction to your partner, that love still isn't solely fueled by seduction. People in love are attracted to the their partners on an deeper emotional level, where you can predict your partner's feelings or response where just a minute of interaction would make a day.
But you must be wondering all things seems to similar in love and lust how do draw a difference between both.
There exists a thin line between both love and lust. if you realise it's love you'll be happy that it was love, but sometimes lust often leaves you questioned as the basis of lust is only one objective which is being attracted to anyone physically, which is not at all a right feeling to experience or even share an experience.
Girls happen to be a victim of such cases, where boys focus on lust for girls. Like it shows in movies, the girl is deserted where the boy is just fulfilled with his physical needs. In US, there are more than 22 million people single mothers where the result is due to lusts.
It's natural that girls are born emotional, how much they tend to be stronger or tough or rough they portray themselves, but they are softer from inside every girl has this side of softness. Almost every girl. Boys majorly are tended to be focused on satisfying physical needs and often misunderstand the needs of girls which is a big issue and the gap is widening day by day.
In my analysis of having seen more than 100s of marriages closely, there is absence of love even in intimacy, for boys especially, things are of high status and hence they don't tend to listen to the needs of the girls, be it emotional or mental or physical needs.
In India, the situation is so bad that a normal intimate moment lasts for not more than 7 minutes.
It's when these 7 minutes end for boys that's where the love for girls start. That's the biggest difference in boy's /girl's definition of love.
Unknowingly boy's definition of love is lust which people don't try to understand or even acknowledge.
So how can we tell the difference between love and lust?
1. Physically and emotionally craving for the person:
There's a physiological need which arises when you are in lust for partner having no depth to each other.
When we look at the broader picture, physical attraction in a loving relationship has more emotions attached to it.
Let's take an example, sex is the only thing which makes you close to your partner which is lust, but in a loving relationship the closeness in much appreciated and celebrated when two of you fall asleep in each other's arms. Such is the difference in lust and love.
2. Knowing their important person's in lives
A relationship comes to a standstill when the topic of meeting parents or conveying about your relationship to your parents comes up. That's when the difference arises. When you are looking at relationship as something long term this is important step.
Meeting the important persons of your partner's life is a big deal and a positive thing in love relationships, where as you'll tend to see a very little about it in lust relationships.( That's a different story if parent's/family of your partner don't want to meet you.)
3. You are just as bad as you are good
It's said that the couples which fight and get over it are those who have established a level of trust in each other. When you open up to each other showing your most good and most vulnerable side to each other which happens only in love based relationships where your partner is important than anything.
In lust based relationships people often don't show this side of theirs for the fear that it may be an end for their relationship or people would not want to go deep and even showing your vulnerable side may threaten the relationship to end. There's always sense of fear which says relationship will end if you tend to show your real side.
4. You like to forgo the things
When in love you bring out the best and hope for the best of your partner whereas in lust you just let the things to slide or even don't pay enough attention it should require.
It's because in love based relationships you built the trust for your partner which cannot be denied and in it for a long time, whereas in lust based relation you tend to ignore things and just because you are in it for the sake of being. In a loving relation you want the relationship to thrive and make sure you and your partner are on the same page of understanding, commitment and assurance.
5. Willing to compromise
Say your partner wants to move to a new city for a job, but it's something you never really had in your plans. In a loving relationship, you may be willing to take this chance because you're looking at your partnership through a long-term lens. Someone in lust probably wouldn't even consider a move. In this case be it either a girl or boy both are ready to compromise and have the best for each other by discussing and mutually agreeing to plan for it and aim for the right and best decisions collectively.
Someone in lust wouldn't want to do it as you are taken for granted and they obviously know you'd do nothing in this regards except to obey them.
In love you keep things aside and listen to your partner's priorities and do the best. That's when the relationship thrives and compromises are celebrated and enjoyed.
6. Making them a part of your world
When you expect a future together, you tend to make sure your partner is there for very important milestones of your lives such as business deal,s events, investments, or even a wedding of your siblings or even a task which you were going to perform solo. Having them be by your side for even small things makes the whole difference, things like this enhances and deepens the bond. In lust none of them would like be a partner of that particular instance and avoid such things.
7. Perfection isn't always necessary
In lust you tend to see your partner in rose colored glasses where everything seems to be just fine or you tend to oversee the simple quirks of your partner or even avoid them.
In love you tend to celebrate and love your partner for the flaws they possess, you accept their good side, bad side as they are as that seems to be perfect for them and there is never a idiom that says people are perfect.
8. Getting upto each other
It's important to know which one you're dealing in order to avoid disappointment in the future. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then you'll probably want to steer clear of anything rooted in lust, since those flings tend to be temporary or for a limited time period. But if you're set on living your best single life, then you probably want to recognize signs that things are taking a turn for the serious.
In my experience and having attended so many marriages and look at relationships of people very closely and in fact being in a relationship I could see a clear difference in between love and lust.
From a distant point of view, things seems to be similar but it happens to be different as it could only be realized until we experience the other thing. Then how do you define which one is what you're experiencing? People often mislead love to lust and lust to love. As stated earlier both are exactly the same in terms of experience but only with time and experiencing the other side we tend to understand what it is.
Let's start by defining the basic definitions of each feelings i.e. Lust and Love.
What is Lust?
If we Google what's lust, it defines by saying "strong sexual desire." Lust is a feeling that's driven mostly by physical desire.
It can feel very passionate, but its outside of attraction, a relationship fueled by lust has very little substance. People in lust often looking to satisfy their own needs(physical/sexual needs).
"Lust is mostly accompanied by a thinking pattern highlighted by demands of self, i.e. individual" "It can often be accompanied with thoughts like 'I must be with you,' 'I need you' 'You must desire me, I am incomplete without you,' or 'You must not reject me.' etc and so on.
Though statements like these aren't usually true, someone in lust can adopt this pattern of anxious thinking. In love, however, you desire the other person, but you don't need to be around them 24/7. When you feel love, you want to be bonded with your partner and spend time with them, but you are also able to embrace for not being with them all the time.
Lust is rooted in the physical and in the moment. When you're in lust, you are not necessarily thinking about the future. So aside from sex, you're not engaging in things partners in a loving relationship might, like deep conversations or meeting each other's loved ones etc or discussing things which are of utmost importance to others.
What's Love?
When google for Love it says "an intense feeling of deep affection."
It's always hard to define what's love, for everyone there's different meaning of love but the basic essence if of how you bond with the other person. But what makes it different from lust is that you do not feel as if you 'need' to be with this person. "You are able to truly maintain yourself separate from them, trust, loyalty, sacrifice, compromise and other things play a huge role in it" Unlike lust, love isn't possessive. When you love someone, you're also considerate of your partner's interests and needs, while lust is more about focusing on your own/self desires.
When you are in love with someone, you not only accept that your partner has the right to be an individual or lead an individual life and at the same time you don't tend to be jealous with your partner's work relationships, family, and friendships, something that is more common in relationships fueled by lust.
Taking rescheduling a trip/date, for example. When you're in love, you may be more understanding when your partner has to postpone because things picked up at work or some unexpected tasks arise. If you're in lust, something like this may upset you since it isn't catering to your wants.
Love can also exist in the absence of arousal. While there may be an obvious physical attraction to your partner, that love still isn't solely fueled by seduction. People in love are attracted to the their partners on an deeper emotional level, where you can predict your partner's feelings or response where just a minute of interaction would make a day.
But you must be wondering all things seems to similar in love and lust how do draw a difference between both.
There exists a thin line between both love and lust. if you realise it's love you'll be happy that it was love, but sometimes lust often leaves you questioned as the basis of lust is only one objective which is being attracted to anyone physically, which is not at all a right feeling to experience or even share an experience.
Girls happen to be a victim of such cases, where boys focus on lust for girls. Like it shows in movies, the girl is deserted where the boy is just fulfilled with his physical needs. In US, there are more than 22 million people single mothers where the result is due to lusts.
It's natural that girls are born emotional, how much they tend to be stronger or tough or rough they portray themselves, but they are softer from inside every girl has this side of softness. Almost every girl. Boys majorly are tended to be focused on satisfying physical needs and often misunderstand the needs of girls which is a big issue and the gap is widening day by day.
In my analysis of having seen more than 100s of marriages closely, there is absence of love even in intimacy, for boys especially, things are of high status and hence they don't tend to listen to the needs of the girls, be it emotional or mental or physical needs.
In India, the situation is so bad that a normal intimate moment lasts for not more than 7 minutes.
It's when these 7 minutes end for boys that's where the love for girls start. That's the biggest difference in boy's /girl's definition of love.
Unknowingly boy's definition of love is lust which people don't try to understand or even acknowledge.
So how can we tell the difference between love and lust?
1. Physically and emotionally craving for the person:
There's a physiological need which arises when you are in lust for partner having no depth to each other.
When we look at the broader picture, physical attraction in a loving relationship has more emotions attached to it.
Let's take an example, sex is the only thing which makes you close to your partner which is lust, but in a loving relationship the closeness in much appreciated and celebrated when two of you fall asleep in each other's arms. Such is the difference in lust and love.
2. Knowing their important person's in lives
A relationship comes to a standstill when the topic of meeting parents or conveying about your relationship to your parents comes up. That's when the difference arises. When you are looking at relationship as something long term this is important step.
Meeting the important persons of your partner's life is a big deal and a positive thing in love relationships, where as you'll tend to see a very little about it in lust relationships.( That's a different story if parent's/family of your partner don't want to meet you.)
3. You are just as bad as you are good
It's said that the couples which fight and get over it are those who have established a level of trust in each other. When you open up to each other showing your most good and most vulnerable side to each other which happens only in love based relationships where your partner is important than anything.
In lust based relationships people often don't show this side of theirs for the fear that it may be an end for their relationship or people would not want to go deep and even showing your vulnerable side may threaten the relationship to end. There's always sense of fear which says relationship will end if you tend to show your real side.
4. You like to forgo the things
When in love you bring out the best and hope for the best of your partner whereas in lust you just let the things to slide or even don't pay enough attention it should require.
It's because in love based relationships you built the trust for your partner which cannot be denied and in it for a long time, whereas in lust based relation you tend to ignore things and just because you are in it for the sake of being. In a loving relation you want the relationship to thrive and make sure you and your partner are on the same page of understanding, commitment and assurance.
5. Willing to compromise
Say your partner wants to move to a new city for a job, but it's something you never really had in your plans. In a loving relationship, you may be willing to take this chance because you're looking at your partnership through a long-term lens. Someone in lust probably wouldn't even consider a move. In this case be it either a girl or boy both are ready to compromise and have the best for each other by discussing and mutually agreeing to plan for it and aim for the right and best decisions collectively.
Someone in lust wouldn't want to do it as you are taken for granted and they obviously know you'd do nothing in this regards except to obey them.
In love you keep things aside and listen to your partner's priorities and do the best. That's when the relationship thrives and compromises are celebrated and enjoyed.
6. Making them a part of your world
When you expect a future together, you tend to make sure your partner is there for very important milestones of your lives such as business deal,s events, investments, or even a wedding of your siblings or even a task which you were going to perform solo. Having them be by your side for even small things makes the whole difference, things like this enhances and deepens the bond. In lust none of them would like be a partner of that particular instance and avoid such things.
7. Perfection isn't always necessary
In lust you tend to see your partner in rose colored glasses where everything seems to be just fine or you tend to oversee the simple quirks of your partner or even avoid them.
In love you tend to celebrate and love your partner for the flaws they possess, you accept their good side, bad side as they are as that seems to be perfect for them and there is never a idiom that says people are perfect.
8. Getting upto each other
Arguing is a healthy part of any relationship. But when you're in lust, you're more likely to avoid it. "You want to keep things as stable as possible so as not to lose your partner," says Sultanoff. But when you're in love, you're okay with challenging your partner because you crave a solution to whatever issue you're facing. By addressing and resolving problems, you'll end up with a stronger bond, says Sultanoff. Wanting to actively tackle your issues is yet another sign you're in it for the long haul.
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